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Celebrating Aging

After her mother passed away, Jeanette Leardi invited female friends to her home for a special gathering. It wasn’t exactly a memorial service; many attendees never knew her mother. Instead, it was a healing ritual for Leardi. The group lit candles, played music and took turns reading favorite poems or writings. Then Leardi took a cup, which her mother had drunk from as a baby, poured milk into it and drank it.

Looking back, 25 years later, Leardi said the gathering helped her through a momentous transition: the end of years spent as her mother’s caregiver, and the transition from being a daughter toward her own elderhood.

“That was so impactful for me,” said Leardi, now 70, a social gerontologist and community educator in Portland, OR. “When someone dies, the person who was the caregiver loses a kind of identity.” The ritual helped her move forward. 

Seasons of Life

While there are many milestones to celebrate for youth and young adults—graduations, weddings, bar or bat mitzvahs, first communion or confirmation ceremonies—older adults have few. 

Adulthood involves many transitions. Parents send children off to college and become empty nesters. Professional careers come to an end at retirement. Older adults sell a beloved home to downsize to a condo or a retirement community. Longtime roles—such as caregiver for a spouse or parent—conclude; new roles begin. These transitions are life-altering, yet most pass uncelebrated.

“Becoming a grandparent is an incredible transition in someone’s life,” said Martha Pollack, 68, an adjunct professor at Touro College Graduate School of Social Work in New York. “There should be an opportunity to acknowledge that with some kind of a celebration.” 

When milestones slip by unnoticed, feelings of isolation and disconnection may remain. Rites of passages help people attend fully to key moments in life spiritually, psychologically and socially, according to Ronald L. Grimes, author of Deeply into the Bone: Re-inventing Rites of Passage (2000). 

“If people don’t mark a transition, they are unlikely to remember it,” he said. “Marking a transition with a ritual makes it memorable and gives it new shape.”  

Rituals Matter 

Why are there so few significant celebrations for older adults? For much of human history, few people lived past what is today considered middle age. Given that many rites of passage evolved over thousands of years, there has been relatively little time for such observances to emerge for older people. Ageism factors in too. Many milestones in older adulthood involve at least some element of loss; on the surface, it may appear they aren’t worth commemorating.  

“Society assumes older age is nothing but downhill and deterioration and decline, so there’s nothing to celebrate,” Leardi said. 

Still, it’s important to mark milestones. Rituals create a sense of completion—a closing of one phase of life and the beginning of another—and provide time for reflection. Gatherings allow friends and family to offer recognition and support during a transition. Rites of passage provide a sense of stability and continuity and tie people to their heritage, ancestry and religious faith or spirituality. They can impart a sense of meaning and purpose. 

“Rituals help us find and define the patterns and cycles of our individual lives that might otherwise seem to be random happenings if viewed separately,” wrote Abigail Brenner, MD, in Psychology Today.

More Than a Birthday 

Kathy Armey remembers seeing the colorful quinceañera gowns in the windows of shops in her neighborhood in Dallas. Quinceañeras are 15th birthday parties for young women, celebrated in Mexico and among Hispanic Americans. 

Armey yearned for an excuse to wear one of those beautiful, elaborate gowns. So she bought herself a gown and a tiara, and, after a year of planning, hosted a 50th birthday bash she called her “cincuentanera.” Friends and family members traveled from far and wide for a night of dancing, food, a DJ and an elaborate cake. 

“My view was, I’m not going to ever be any younger than 50 after this,” she said. “There’s no point moaning and groaning about getting older, so I might as well make it a celebration.” 

Now 58, Armey still enjoys looking through the book she assembled of photos from her cincuentenera. The event helped maintain ties with friends and family who might have otherwise fallen out of touch. She would like to do something big for her 60th birthday too, but she hasn’t yet decided what that will be. 

Some adults are marking age milestones by inventing or re-inventing rites of passage for their later years. A growing number of Jewish adults, for example, are choosing to celebrate second bar or bat mitzvahs. Unlike adult bar or bat mitzvahs for an adult who never had the celebration as a teen, second bar mitzvahs typically take place at age 83, a nod to 70 (an expected lifespan, per Psalms 90:10 in the Bible) plus 13 (the age of a typical bar/bat mitzvah.)

“Reaching age 70, then, can be considered a new start—and therefore, age 83 would be the equivalent to reaching [bar/bat] mitzvah age again,” wrote Howard Lev in Reform Judaism’s blog. “This is also a great way to keep older congregants involved in synagogue life.” 

Unlike the rite celebrated with young teens, second bar/bat mitzvahs come toward the end of a long life. 

“This is not about your parents telling you to do something, it’s not about Hebrew school, it’s not about the culmination of these years of study and all the pressure and expectations associated with it,” said Avi Winokur, a Philadelphia rabbi. “It’s really a free-will situation…. it is an opportunity for older adults to reaffirm their commitment to Judaism and bring their loved ones together.” 

Celebrating a ‘Cancerversary’ 

Many older adults, sooner or later, face health issues that may require arduous periods of treatment or rehab. Bonnie Annis, 64, a writer and photographer, urges fellow survivors to mark a “cancerversary” (an anniversary of a key moment in their cancer journey, such as the completion of chemotherapy) by throwing a party, completing a “bucket list” activity, planting a tree, taking a vacation or getaway or simply spending some time in reflection. 

Annis recently traveled to Israel to mark the eighth anniversary of her breast cancer surgery. It was the first overseas trip she’d taken since the surgery. Because she has breast prostheses, she was apprehensive about getting through security, but it worked out and the trip went well. 

Annis has celebrated each anniversary with some new adventure. 

“I can’t imagine letting one single year postcancer pass without celebrating,” she said. “Being able to celebrate is a way of saying to cancer, ‘I’m still here! You didn’t win.’ By celebrating, you acknowledge the difficulties you’ve overcome and shift your focus toward the future.” 

Reinventing Milestone Moments 

Retirement is a big deal. And while workplaces do often hold celebrations for retiring colleagues, many are low-key, even dreary affairs.

“Retirement parties often feel sort of sheepish,” said Kitty Eisele, 59, host of Twenty Four Seven, a podcast about caregiving. “You have people standing around with plastic cups of wine and a couple of managers remembering the [retiring person’s] glory days.” 

That kind of celebration doesn’t fit the retirees Eisele knows, whose plates are full of passion projects they couldn’t tackle while working full time. 

“I feel like these celebrations should be amazing,” she said. “They should feel more like launch parties.”

Because he’s an expert in ritual, years ago author Grimes was called on to design a celebration for a colleague, Bob, who was retiring. He devised an elaborate, joyful and serious affair, including a cord-cutting ritual to mark the end of Bob’s career at the university. Grimes distributed a printed program for the event; students and retired colleagues offered reflections during the time for “Words of Appreciation, Recollection and Bedevilment.” 

“The rite, like Bob himself, is still remembered and talked about,” Grimes wrote. 

There are ways to commemorate the change when you downsize and leave a longtime home.

Another big transition that usually goes unmarked: leaving a longtime family home to downsize or move to assisted living. 

“Many [older adults] struggle with leaving behind a home where they’ve created so many memories,” said Missy Buchanan, author of Joy Boosters: 120 Ways to Encourage Older Adults. “Trying to decide what to take, what to sell and what to give away can be overwhelming.” 

Buchanan proposed a few ways to better commemorate the transition: videotape the family home, room by room, before moving, with the outgoing resident(s) narrating about treasured memories or precious items in each room. At the new home, invite family, friends and perhaps a clergy person for a “Bless this New Home” gathering.

A Turning Point

In retrospect, Leardi sees the ceremony after her mother’s death as a turning point that ultimately led to her current work. A few years later, after her father passed away, she went back to school to earn a degree in gerontology. Today, she writes and speaks to empower older people to identify and share their wisdom with others.

Caregiving showed her how little older adults are valued in the community. Though she didn’t know it at the time, the healing ritual “was the beginning of the recognition that there was something I needed to be doing about all this,” she said. 

Leardi would like to see communities mark a rite of passage for elderhood—the point when a person reaches the threshold of older age, however that might be defined. Some Unitarian churches, as well as goddess and earth-based spirituality groups, have experimented with that, with rituals such as croning and saging ceremonies, to mark the arrival at elderhood for older women and men respectively. 

Even solitary rituals, or simple acts, can make transitions more meaningful, Professor Pollack noted. The day after retiring from her longtime job at a social services agency, she joined a new gym. Regular visits to the gym now give her days structure and happiness.

You need to be inventive to celebrate unconventional milestones.

“Even if it’s not a formal ritual, we can take small, personal steps to mark these transitions,” she said.

Pollack believes that if more transitions in later life were celebrated in positive ways, it might help combat ageism. Communal, multigenerational celebrations of rites of passage in older adulthood could help model “how to age successfully and how to take on new roles in life,” she said. 

“That could, in turn, inspire younger people not to be afraid to move on in life. We owe it to our children and our grandchildren to create a positive image of older age, to show them what it means to move forward in life, and the importance of experience and wisdom.” 

For now, older adults who choose to celebrate unconventional milestones need to be inventive and willing to experiment. Grimes thinks it’s worth the effort.

“Rituals are like markers on a forest trail,” he said. “Sometimes those markers could be wrong and could lead you astray, but having no markers is worse.” 

Older People’s Mental Health Undermined by the Pandemic

In early 2020, Sarah Crouch started a tally on her cell phone: a list of names of family members and friends who died since the pandemic began. As of July 2022, there were 51 names. About half died due to COVID-19. 

“Some weeks there were two deaths of close friends in one week,” said Crouch, 72. “One person would die, and I barely had time to grieve before the next one hit.” 

On top of all that, her father-in-law almost died in November 2020. He spent two weeks in the hospital alone, because visitors weren’t allowed. Around the same time, her husband contracted COVID. Thankfully, both recovered, but with all the stress, Crouch’s own health started to suffer. Her thoughts raced. She couldn’t sleep. 

“I had sudden hearing loss,” she said. “I spent six weeks in bed with vertigo. My body just quit on me. Because of all of that, one of my doctors said, ‘You know what? I think you should probably talk to a counselor.’” 

Crouch was reluctant. She worried therapy was too costly. She’d tried it in the past; it didn’t help. But she took her doctor’s advice and contacted a psychologist. 

Isolation and Loneliness

Crouch wasn’t alone. In the United States at the beginning of 2021, an estimated one in five older adults, ages 50 to 80 were experiencing mental health symptoms, such as depression, anxiety, insomnia or substance abuse, according to the University of Michigan National Poll on Healthy Aging. When asked about the last two weeks before they were surveyed, 28 percent said they had felt depressed or hopeless, 34 percent had been nervous or anxious, and 44 percent had recently felt stressed. Almost two-thirds reported trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, twice the percentage who reported sleep problems in a similar poll in 2017. 

Nora Gravois, a licensed social worker and counselor at the nonprofit Wellness Center for Older Adults in Plano, TX, witnessed these effects of the pandemic firsthand.  

“We got calls from neighbors, church members or family, asking us to check on an older adult who hadn’t opened their curtains for ages, or whose mail was piling up,” she said. “Older adults were isolated, and some didn’t have the emotional resilience to call us for help themselves.” 

Even before the pandemic, older people were at higher risk of social isolation and loneliness than younger age groups. Studies show that loneliness can trigger anxiety, anger and emotional instability or contribute to physical problems like hypertension. For some, the restrictions imposed by the pandemic led to even deeper isolation.

“What we saw in our grief support group was almost like a trauma response,” Gravois said. “Our clients were not able to physically touch or say goodbye to their loved ones at the time of death. Grief and loss became a traumatic experience for them.” 

An Outpouring of Sadness and Worry

Susan Rebillet, a geriatric psychologist in Dallas, saw a dramatic uptick in physician referrals beginning in the summer of 2020. 

“So much had happened,” she said. “On top of the pandemic, there was political turmoil and the Black Lives Matter movement. It was a chaotic time.”  

Some patients needed help from a child or grandchild to connect online with Rebillet, but once they did, there was an outpouring of feelings of grief, loss, sadness and worry. 

“Many people had a real fear of dying themselves or losing someone to the virus,” she said. “There was a lot of information out there that wasn’t helpful or accurate. I told many patients, ‘Do not watch the news 24 hours a day.’” 

Everyone was affected by the disruptions and restrictions of the COVID pandemic, but some older adults were hit especially hard, according to Lisa Murray, a social worker with OhioHealth’s John J. Gerlach Center for Senior Health in Columbus, OH. 

“If you’re an older adult who’s living alone, or who cannot drive because of mobility or cognitive issues, then COVID meant you no longer had access to services that provided transportation,” said Murray. “We saw people falling out of their normal routines that helped sustain their mental health, whether it was going to church or being involved with family dinners.” 

For older people, the psychological work of this life stage is stymied without social connections.

“While depression is not a normal part of aging, there were so many changes during the pandemic that increased the risk of depression,” said Lakshmi Rangaswamy, DO, a geriatrician at OhioHealth Riverside Methodist Hospital in Columbus, OH. 

She added that depression and anxiety in older adults can manifest in unexpected ways. She saw patients during the pandemic with pseudodementia, in which anxiety or depression triggered symptoms that mimicked dementia. 

“In those cases, when we treated the anxiety or depression, the cognitive impairment improved,” she said. 

While the media highlighted concerns about the effects of the lockdown on children and youth during their formative years, Gravois says, “The pandemic was a disruption for older people too, because every stage of life has its own challenges.” 

Gravois cites Erik Erikson’s stages of psychological development, which span the entire lifespan from birth to death. Just as young people must grow and mature in childhood and adolescence, older adults face their own psychological challenges in later life. Retirement, for example, demands that older adults find new ways to contribute and stay engaged, once a career is over. Older people often reflect on their lives and look to find peace with the past, rather than feeling stuck in despair or regret. But without social connections, the work of this life stage gets stymied. 

Janet Pyne, 66, saw that in the spring of 2020, when she retired from her job as an assistant principal in Austin, TX. As they had planned for years, she and her husband, Rick, moved shortly after her retirement to be near grandchildren in the Dallas area. 

Because school was virtual due to COVID, “I never got to tell my co-workers and students goodbye in person,” she said. “It was a sad and depressing way to leave a job I loved.” 

Overcoming Hesitations 

Another complicating factor affected older adults’ mental health during the pandemic: reluctance to seek mental health care. Past research showed that many older adults who need that don’t get it. One 2012 study, for example, showed that 70 percent of older adults with mood and anxiety disorders did not use mental health services.  

But more recent research suggests that the pandemic may have moved the needle. A voluntary survey of nearly 4,000 Medicare recipients, published by eHealth, found that more people were willing to seek mental health care two years into the pandemic. Nearly half (48 percent) were willing to consider talk therapy or another form of mental health care, up from 35 percent pre-pandemic. 

Similarly, the 2021 University of Michigan poll indicated that older adults were now more open to seeking mental health, with 71 percent saying they wouldn’t hesitate to see a mental health professional in the future and 13 percent saying they had talked with their primary care provider about a new mental health concern since the pandemic began. More than 85 percent reported feeling “very comfortable” or “somewhat comfortable,” talking about their mental health.  

“Most older adults do feel comfortable discussing their mental health and understand that it’s an important component of overall health,” said Lauren Gerlach, DO, a geriatric psychiatrist at Michigan Medicine who worked with the University of Michigan poll team. 

Among those who were unsure or who had reservations about seeking help, the most common reasons cited were the belief that therapy or other interventions would not help, feeling embarrassed and the cost. (According to the eHealth survey, many older adults don’t know that Medicare provides mental health care benefits.)

Gerlach sometimes sees a perception among older patients “that they should just be able to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and get better on their own.” When she encounters hesitancy, she tries to normalize patients’ experiences of anxiety, depression or other symptoms. 

“I tell them that many people are experiencing significant mental health symptoms, and explain that, just like diabetes or hypertension, mental health conditions are real illnesses, with treatments that can really help,” she said. 

I try to explain that anxiety and depression, for example, can be due to a chemical imbalance in the brain, and not a sign of weakness.

—Lakshmi Rangaswamy

Rangaswamy observes that some of her older patients seem more willing to take medication for mental health conditions than to engage in counseling or psychotherapy. 

“I think there’s a stigma attached to needing help,” she said. “Patients will say they don’t want to talk to a ‘head shrink.’” 

She added that older patients who experience symptoms, such as frequent crying, decreased appetite, inability to sleep, racing thoughts or a case of the “nerves,” may not frame them as mental health conditions.

“I try to explain that anxiety and depression, for example, can be due to a chemical imbalance in the brain and not a sign of weakness,” Rangaswamy said. “I’ve even told patients that I’ve sought counseling at times myself and that it was beneficial to me. Normalizing things is very important.” 

Rangaswamy believes that reluctance may be a generational issue too. Many older adults who lived through the Great Depression or World War II prize self-reliance.  Working through feelings isn’t part of their coping toolkits. 

Ellen Edwards, 63, sees that with her own parents, ages 90 and 92. Edwards (not her real name) didn’t hesitate to seek counseling herself when she began feeling overwhelmed by the challenges of caring for them during the pandemic. But her parents won’t consider counseling, even though they’ve struggled with isolation and a series of health problems. 

“They have a very strong, independent spirit,” she said. “My mom’s father died when she was four. My dad was placed in an orphanage during the Great Depression. Their feeling is, if you’re having trouble, you’ve got to take care of it yourself.”

COVID-19 caused mental health problems but also helped to destigmatize them.

Even older patients who do overcome their hesitations and see a counselor may struggle with the process itself. 

“Some people can’t engage because they don’t know how,” Rebillet said. “They don’t want to complain. They say things like, ‘I know it’s going to work out’ or ‘It just takes time.’ This is a coping strategy they saw their parents use, and it’s their way of getting through challenges. They never got the message that it’s OK to talk about your feelings.” 

Despite those challenges, research suggests that older adults still experienced significantly less depression, anxiety and stress-related conditions than younger adults did during the pandemic. In a survey conducted early in the pandemic by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nearly 50 percent of adults ages 18 to 24 reported anxiety, depression and/or stress-related disorders. Researchers believe many adults 65 and older, having lived through crises or difficult times in the past, possessed resilience and wisdom that enabled them to withstand the stresses of COVID-19. 

Many mental health experts also believe that the pandemic increased awareness of mental health in general. News reports about the virus often included information about the effects of isolation and stress. 

“COVID-19 did more than increase the prevalence of mental health issues; it also accelerated positive momentum to raise awareness about these issues … and accelerated long-term efforts to destigmatize mental health issues and normalize the search for help for these kinds of problems,” writes psychologist Michele Nealon. 

That awareness also spurred more older adults to practice self-care during the pandemic, Gerlach added. In the University of Michigan poll, one in three people reported making lifestyle changes—such as exercise, diet or meditation—to improve their mental health since the start of the pandemic.

“As a culture, we are talking so much more about mental health as part of our overall well-being,” said Murray. “If we can really normalize this and acknowledge that we’ve all gone through difficult times, that opens the door to conversation.” 

Sarah Crouch overcame her initial hesitancy about counseling, and she’s glad she did. 

Weekly sessions with Rebillet—Crouch was surprised to discover they were covered by Medicare—proved incredibly helpful. She continues to see Rebillet, although less often. If she were to give her mental health a grade, Crouch says, it’s up from a D in the midst of the pandemic to a B+ or an A- these days. 

While she was never suicidal, Crouch believes she wouldn’t have made it without help. 

“I think I would have ended up more isolated, more unhappy and sicker if I hadn’t done counseling,” she said. “I still have moments of fragility, but I’m a whole lot further along than I was. Counseling was really a lifeline.”  

Seasoned Warriors

Every Monday morning for nearly a year, Judy Sherry, 82, has called the office of her senator, Roy Blunt (R-Missouri), with the same question: When is he going to get the courage to do something about gun violence? 

“He’s retiring soon, for God’s sake,” she said.

Those weekly calls seemed to make no difference, but that hasn’t deterred Sherry. As founder and president of Grandparents for Gun Safety, she calls, writes, marches, speaks to groups and fields TV interviews—anything to get the message out for commonsense gun control. 

“All people have the right to feel safe from gun violence in their communities,” she said.  

The impact of activists like Sherry is likely to grow, as more than a million people 55 and older join the ranks of the retired each year in the United States. Like Sherry, these older activists come armed with their own superpowers: lifetimes of experience, a supply of available time and a sense of perspective that strengthens them for the long game. 

“From marching to improving road safety; from envelope-stuffing to making calls; from being arrested to circulating petitions; from fundraising to letter writing; from cooking in a community kitchen to starting an urban farm—for these people, it is not too late to try to save the world,” wrote Thelma Reese and BJ Kittredge, coauthors of How Seniors are Saving the World: Retirement Activism to the Rescue! (2020).

A Quiet Force 

Media attention tends to spotlight young activists like Greta Thunberg, a teen climate change activist, or Malala Yousafzai, who won a Nobel Peace Prize at age 17. Older activists who’ve worked in their communities for years are often overlooked, according to Loretta Graceffo, a correspondent for the media watchdog group Fairness & Accuracy in Reporting. 

“By devaluing the wisdom and experience of elders in favor of uplifting a handful of teen activists for clicks, [the] media underplay the collective power that can come from intergenerational cooperation,” she wrote. 

Older activists may not create the same media splash, but they’re a quieter, more effective force, said Tommy Steed, 73, chairman of the Association of BellTel Retirees. The nonprofit works to protect the pensions and benefits of retirees from Verizon and the original Bell System. 

Steed contrasts his current role to his rowdier approach as a union steward in his 20s. Back then, he relished tangling with the police on picket lines. Now, his approach is more low-key. Steed partners with fellow retirees, many of them former managers who once sat on the opposite side of the bargaining table. 

“Older activists are stoic and strategic,” he said. “We’re quiet, but that’s how to be effective. Younger activists are a mob scene for the media. They make a lot of noise. We don’t want to make a lot of noise; we want to be effective.” 

A Wealth of Experience      

Older adult activists often bring a more nuanced perspective and broader knowledge of communities. As Graceffo wrote, “With age often comes access to institutional infrastructures and financial resources, as well as a deeper understanding of history.”  

“We’ve had more time to make mistakes than younger activists,” said John Fullinwider, 70, a lifelong community organizer in Dallas and co-founder of Mothers Against Police Brutality. “Sometimes you can see the problems with greater depth after you’ve had longer experience with them.”

Fullinwider points to historic victories that most people now take for granted: the abolition of slavery, the 40-hour work week, women’s right to vote.

His advice: “Never lose your youthful idealism. Pace yourself for the long-distance run. You lose until you win. It’s good to have that sense of history about it.” 

I’ve learned that you don’t bury your head like an ostrich. You get out there and deal with it.

—Karlin Chan

Wisdom and experience empowered Karlin Chan to act when Asian Americans in the Chinatown neighborhood of New York were targeted during the pandemic. He started a block watch group to patrol neighborhoods. Having lived in Chinatown for more than 60 years and worked as a community organizer for decades, Chan has connections throughout the city and with the New York City police department. 

“Hate crimes have been around here since I was a kid,” he said. “I’ve lived the history, and I’ve learned that you don’t bury your head like an ostrich. You get out there and deal with it.” 

For Sherry, being strategic means patience—staying realistic about what can be accomplished immediately while taking small steps in the meantime. After learning that many gun-related deaths are due to accidents or suicide, her organization started Lock It for Love. They’ve distributed more than 5,000 free, high-quality gun locks at community events. 

Yes, Sherry said, she’d like more sweeping reforms, but until then, she’s convinced the gun locks have saved lives. 

“Clearly, we have saved someone from suicide, or some little kid from picking up an unlocked, loaded gun,” she said. 

Inspired by the 1960s

Unlike their Greatest Generation predecessors, many of today’s generation of older adults came of age during the Vietnam War era in the 1960s. For some, it sparked a lifetime of activism. For others, that formative time created an emotional connection that has lingered, even if career and family obligations limit their ability to stay in the fight. 

The Vietnam era is very much intertwined in the story of Henry Stoever’s activism. His father was forced to join the Nazi war effort after attempting to immigrate to the United States in the 1930s. Stoever was born in Germany in 1948; his family came to the United States in 1951. Stoever grew up enduring taunts from kids who called him “Adolph” and watching stories about the Holocaust on Walter Cronkite’s Twentieth Century documentaries. When war was in the news in the1960s, Stoever worried that Americans “were the Nazis in Vietnam.” 

Those formative experiences led to Stoever’s lifelong work in peace activism. Since 2003, Stoever has stood at the same street corner in Kansas City, MO, every Tuesday, waving a sign that reads, “Imagine a world free of nuclear weapons.” Along with other local activists, he’s been arrested numerous times for trespassing during protests at a nuclear weapons plant; recently he was convicted and faces a trial in September. He’s looking forward to making his case to the jury. 

In talking about his work, Stoever seems immune to despair, even if his efforts haven’t led to significant changes.

When the news is upsetting, activism can ease a sense of despair. 

“My activism comes from a deep caring for others,” he said. “Activism is a sign of hope, faith and love.”  

As a teen, Lauren Mayer canvassed for presidential candidate George McGovern, spurred by her fears for her older brothers, who were eligible for the draft. Today, at 63, Mayer is earning a living as a songwriter in the Los Angeles area but finds ways to contribute when she can. Inspired by the protest singers of the 1960s and early 1970s, she created her own twist for the digital age. She writes and records a new song every week, offering her sassy take on issues ranging from reproductive choice to climate change to LGBTQIA+ rights. Some 20,000 people follow her on YouTube and Facebook. 

“I don’t sing as well or look as cute as I did when I was younger, but I think my writing is better because I have so much more life experience,” Mayer said. 

Mayer performs at rallies and donates the use of her songs for fundraisers for groups like the Raging Grannies, a network of older protesters.

“The news these days is often so upsetting that people feel paralyzed,” she said. “For me, this project completely eases my sense of despair.” 

Time to Devote

Another key advantage that older activists bring to their causes: time. Once they’ve reached their 60s or 70s, many have paid off the mortgage and the kids’ college tuition. They can afford to retire or work fewer hours. 

Arch Mayfield, 73, still works part time as a writing instructor at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth. He’s involved in helping support refugees in the community through his church. When US immigration officials began separating children from their families at the border, he began standing at a street corner with a few other activists once a week, holding signs showing children in cages.  

During elections, Mayfield serves as an election judge, working shifts that start at 5:30 a.m. and continue until the polls close. (Every election in his county requires a set of election judges and clerks to represent both the Democratic and Republican parties.) The work pays a small stipend, but younger people with children and full-time jobs usually can’t step in. 

“I see that involvement as a way of countering voter suppression and to help ensure the widest possible participation,” he said. 

Once you open your eyes to injustices, it’s hard to be happy without doing something about it. 

—John Fullinwider

Bill Holston, 66, spent the first 30 years of his career in commercial law in Dallas. In the late 1980s, he took on a pro bono case representing an immigrant seeking asylum in the United States. 

“I fell in love with the work,” he said. “As I represented more and more people, I developed a greater and greater passion for the rights of the people I was representing.” Ten years ago, he closed his commercial law practice to become executive director of the Human Rights Initiative of North Texas. 

Holston says he’s inspired by John Lewis, the US congressman and civil rights activist who continued to get into “good trouble” until his death at age 80. As he gets older, Holston thinks more about his legacy. He’s more focused on “eulogy virtues,” citing New York Times columnist David Brooks, who wrote: “The résumé virtues are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that are talked about at your funeral—whether you were kind, brave, honest or faithful.”  

With that change in focus, Holston said, he has a more long-term view. 

“The older you are, the more wired you are toward persistence,” he said. “I’ve been doing this a long time, and I’m going to keep doing this as long as I’m physically and mentally capable.” 

For many activists, their work also brings a sense of purpose and meaning. 

Activism “is a good way to live your life,” Fullinwider said. “What kind of life is it to just enjoy your advantages and buy things and then die? Once you open your eyes to injustices, it’s hard to be happy without doing something about it. Most people have a conscience. When you listen to it, your life will be better, and you have a chance to make life better for others.” 

A Good Start 

Judy Sherry’s weekly calls to Roy Blunt may have made some difference after all. Blunt was one of 10 Republican senators who helped hammer out a bipartisan deal on a narrow set of gun safety measures announced on June 12. However, the deal didn’t include other basic measures, like expanded background checks or limits on assault weapons. 

“It is a good start, but that’s all,” she said.  

Sherry jokes that she sometimes wishes she’d chosen a cause she’ll live long enough to see solved. But she remains convinced that gun violence will ultimately be addressed. 

“We’ve changed cultures before,” she said. “We’ve changed smoking. We’ve changed seatbelts. We’ve changed drinking. We didn’t ban cigarettes or cars or alcohol, but we figured out a better way to deal with it, and we will do that here.” 

Apps Can Open Up a World of Possibilities for Older Adults

John Brandt is still on good terms with his ex-mother-in-law—so good that he gave her an iPad for Christmas last year, along with a promise to provide tech support.  

The learning curve turned out to be a bit steep. At 90, his ex-mother-in-law, a retired government agency director, is still sharp and not new to computers. But using apps presented new challenges. 

“She kept saying, ‘I’m just so stupid, I can’t do this,’” he said. 

Brandt realized that his mother-in-law hadn’t used a smartphone or a tablet before. Skills he’d acquired years ago—swiping and tapping to turn on the device, open, navigate and close apps—were all new to her.

“Those of us who got iPhones 12 or 14 years ago have already learned all the features and the gestures,” he said. “It was like she was learning a new language but with a physical component.” 

After a few long sessions, she became confident with FaceTime, text messaging and Facebook. Now she uses her iPad regularly to stay in touch with family members who live out of town, including a granddaughter in Serbia.  

As Brandt’s experience shows, apps have the potential to enhance an older adult’s quality of life. Apps like Messenger, Zoom and FaceTime provide social connections. Apps for ridesharing (like Uber or Lyft) or grocery delivery services boost independence. Health-related apps allow people to track vital signs, monitor progress, detect problems and possibly save trips to the doctor. 

But many older adults aren’t taking advantage of them.

Apps to Sustain Independence 

Apps offer significant potential for supporting older adults’ independence. Those who don’t drive can use the Lyft or Uber app to schedule rides to and from doctor appointments, concerts and events outside of the community. With banking apps and online payment apps like PayPal or Venmo, they can deposit checks, transfer money and pay bills without a trip to the bank. Apps like Simply Safe or Ring can check who’s at the front door or send alerts for package deliveries. Digital-assistant apps like Alexa or Echo can turn off lights in the house or set reminders to take medications. 

Leticia Valdez, life enrichment manager at Presbyterian Village North, a retirement community in Dallas, has seen how older adults benefit from apps. She estimates more than 80 percent of residents use the community’s Cubigo app to sign up for activities, to check dining room menus and make reservations and to schedule maintenance in their apartments. 

The residents have plenty of help—Valdez leads monthly training classes and provides one-on-one coaching. That experience has shown Valdez how older adults often face a steep learning curve. Just recently, a resident came in for tech help; when she informed him that he needed to download an app, he said, “What’s an app?” 

“It was like I was speaking a foreign language,” she said.  

A lot of [older people] are afraid that if they touch the wrong thing, they will break the phone

—Susan Lewis

Susan Lewis, 79, uses dozens of apps daily for everything from driving directions to games to ordering prescription refills. But many neighbors in her 55+ apartment complex do not use them at all. Some own smartphones but only use them for phone calls. 

Even though she doesn’t consider herself all that tech savvy, Lewis has become the informal tech guru for her community. 

“I’m not afraid of technology,” she said. “A lot of [older people] are afraid that if they touch the wrong thing, they will break the phone. They don’t know about the App Store, or where to look for apps or how to adjust their phone settings.” 

Lewis’ favorite tip: turn to your computer and use Google. When she’s stumped herself, she can almost always find a tutorial video or an article with step-by-step instructions. YouTube offers short videos on how to download apps on an iPhone, iPad or Android device. 

Apps to Support Health 

Ed Sanders knows of at least one person who’s convinced an app saved his life. Sanders, a tech trainer for Microsoft, often volunteers at senior centers and retirement communities, helping older adults with their devices. 

One older man told Sanders he’d had a stroke and, thanks to the Health app on his phone, first responders were able to access his medical information immediately, even though he was unconscious, saving precious minutes. 

Sanders thinks using the Health app is a no-brainer for anyone, particularly those with chronic health conditions, yet relatively few older adults he meets know about it or how to enter their medical information. 

The Health app is one of a rapidly growing number of apps designed to track an individual’s medical and health information that have significant potential to help older adults manage chronic conditions and save trips to the doctor. But experts see two issues: not all of these health apps are reliable, and relatively few older adults are using them.  

App users should be aware that there are wide variations in the functionality, accuracy and safety of medical apps. Because most health apps don’t fit the FDA’s definition of medical devices, most are not subject to regulation. Many were created with little or no oversight from medical experts.

Researchers called on the FDA to rethink its hands-off stance when it comes to regulating apps. 

Calling the digital health marketplace a “wild west,” studies show that developers “seldom involve health professionals or users in the design, development or deployment.” Patients and doctors “know very little about whether apps will work or how they might affect the cost and quality of care.” 

In a 2021 study of 15 symptom checkers (apps where users enter their symptoms and obtain a list of possible diagnoses), most fared no better than an average layperson in diagnosing. Plus, the symptom checkers erred on the side of declaring an emergency, potentially sending users to ERs needlessly. Similarly, a study of apps that purport to “analyze” moles or other skin lesions for the presence of skin cancer showed they were not reliable. 

And while they are fun, those so-called “brain game” apps offer such overstated claims that 96 scientists at Stanford University and other institutions issued a statement saying, “The scientific track record does not support the claims [that] … they actually help older adults boost their mental powers.”

Some medical experts are proposing policies to protect and better inform consumers.  In 2021, an international team of researchers proposed a framework for evaluating digital health devices. While acknowledging the tremendous promise for apps to improve health and well-being, the team also called on the FDA to rethink its hands-off policy and encouraged health care providers to help steer patients toward “the small subset of effective and rigorously evaluated apps.”

For now, patients should beware: they should talk with their doctors before relying on an app, research the app online and read reviews and ratings. 

The Challenges Apps Present

While apps may be unreliable when diagnosing health problems, they do have significant potential for helping older adults manage their health. The Abridge app, for example, records conversations at the doctor’s office, creating a transcript with definitions of medical terms that can be shared with caregivers. Medication apps like Pillboxie remind people to take their pills at specific times daily. SmartBP checks blood pressure with a monitor and smart watch. MyFitnessPal tracks calories and nutrients. 

But according to a University of Michigan study, less than half of people aged 50 to 80 have ever used a health-related app. Only 28 percent of people with diabetes use them to track blood sugar. Further, the study noted that older adults who stand to benefit most from these apps—those in poor health and those with less access to health care—are even less likely to use them. To help boost usage, the researchers encouraged health providers to discuss the use of health apps with their patients.

Tapping and swiping can be difficult for those who have arthritis or poor hand-eye coordination.

Navigating apps on mobile devices involves skills that can be challenging, even for the computer-savvy, according to Ignacio Aranda, technology trainer for the Senior Source in Dallas. 

“I notice that many of the older adults I work with tend to use web browsers instead of apps, even on their mobile devices, because that’s what they know from using a desktop or laptop,” Aranda said. But accessing [a website] via web browser usually means the connection is less secure and there’s less functionality. And some app-based services, like Lyft, aren’t available at all via web browsers. (There are some workarounds, however. A company called GoGoGrandparent lets riders call an Uber or Lyft via a toll-free phone number or website. Some senior centers will call rides for those who can’t access the app themselves.) 

Downloading apps may involve accessing infrequently used passwords. After adding a new app, the user is typically bombarded with requests for permissions (such as location services or syncing with the user’s photo library), which can be daunting or confusing. Mobile devices need frequent updates; without them, apps won’t function properly. 

Navigating mobile devices requires mastering a new “language” of swipes and taps that differ from the tools on laptop or desktop devices. That’s doubly difficult for adults with mild cognitive impairment, and tapping and swiping can be challenging for adults with arthritis or other conditions that affect hand-eye coordination. (Sanders advises older adults to obtain a stylus for easier, more precise tapping and swiping.) 

Bridging the Gap 

Efforts are underway to address some of these challenges. Aranda teaches a curriculum developed by Senior Planet, part of Older Adults Technology Services (OATS) from AARP, a digital literacy program that runs technology training centers in six cities in the United States. Older adults can take online and in-person courses or call the Senior Planet Tech Hotline (920-666-1959) for tech help.   

The pandemic pushed many older adults to hone their tech skills. An AARP study found a sharp increase in older adults purchasing and using technology during the pandemic. 

Valdez noticed that many residents in her community started using apps to order groceries for delivery and Zoom or Facetime to connect with friends and family during the pandemic. Having discovered those apps out of necessity, she said, many still use them for convenience. 

Susan deLarios, 75, a resident of Presbyterian Village North, opens Cubigo multiple times daily to sign up for activities, look up residents’ names, check the dining room menu and schedule meals. She uses MyBSWHealth, a proprietary app for her health care provider, to make appointments, check test results and track medications and other records. She uses Audible to listen to audio books, Lyft to schedule rides, Amazon to order merchandise, Facebook to keep up with friends, and her bank’s app to manage her checking account. If she wants to adjust her hearing aids, there’s an app for that too. Apps have made her iPhone the nerve center of deLarios’ daily life. 

“I don’t know what I’d do without it,” she said. 

Smashing Stereotypes on Social Media

When she retired 15 years ago, Tzipporah “Zippy” Sandler was floundering and unsure what was next. Then a tech-savvy friend suggested she start a blog and even offered to build it for her.

“I didn’t even know what a blog was, but I said, ‘Yeah, why not?’” Sandler said. 

Sandler’s blog, Champagne Living, focused on affordable travel and lifestyle and soon expanded to social media. Now, at age 68, she’s a top-ranked social media influencer, with more than 34,000 followers on her Instagram account (“Zipporahs”), YouTube channel, a weekly show livestreamed via Facebook, and her blog, which attracts more than 315,000 unique visitors monthly. 

In search of her next post, she’s done everything from riding a luxury train through the Canadian Rockies to hang gliding off a cliff in the Outer Banks in North Carolina.

“It makes me feel young,” said Sandler. “I’m checking things off my bucket list.” 

Sandler is also making money. Companies pay her to serve as a “brand ambassador,” to try their products or experiences and post about them on social media feeds. The hang-gliding escapade, for example, was sponsored by a convention and visitors bureau. 

Sandler is one of a small but increasingly visible number of older adults who’ve become social media stars, with thousands, even millions, of followers on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, TikTok, YouTube and other platforms, often in tandem with podcasts, websites and blogs. These “granfluencers” share photos of fashionable looks, or tips and ideas on fitness, food, travel, crafts and other areas. In a media landscape that often ignores people over 60, older social media stars are boosting the presence of older adults, smashing stereotypes, sometimes making money and, often, engaging younger people as well as their peers.

Among the most well-known are George Takei, 84, whose Facebook profile is followed by more than nine million people, many of them too young to recognize Takei as the actor who played Hikaru Sulu on the TV series Star Trek; fashion icon Iris Apfel, 100, who models flamboyant outfits on Instagram for two million plus followers; Helen Elam, 93, whose “Baddiewinkle” Instagram account has 3.3 million followers; and the “Old Gays”—four gay men, in their 60s and 70s, with more than six million followers on TikTok.

Staying Engaged

For many older adults—famous and not—social media offer a way to stay connected to the wider world. 

Social media extended Linda Rodin’s 40-year career as a fashion stylist, beauty industry entrepreneur and model. More than 300,000 people follow her Instagram page, “LindaandWinks,” which features stylized photos of Rodin, 74, often posed with her poodle, Winky, street scenes from New York and pictures of objects that catch her eye.  

“It started out as a photo diary—just a funny record of me and my dog,” she said. But the chic Rodin, who sports silver hair and statement eyeglasses and mostly poses in her own clothes, draws followers of all ages. One 30-something called Rodin “my soulmate in fashion.” Another commented, “Turned 60 recently and inspired by you and Winks. Keep up the good work.” 

“I got a lot of comments from younger women who say, ‘I want to grow up to look like you,’” she said. 

Barbara Weibel, 69, has been able to finance her nomadic lifestyle thanks to social media. Fifteen years ago, she left the corporate world and hit the road, writing about her travels on a blog called Hole in the Donut. Bolstered by years of corporate computer experience, she taught herself to use social media platforms as they emerged. Although she lost some traffic when the pandemic paused her travels, she still has almost 9,000 Facebook followers, 6,000 following her YouTube channel, and thousands of loyal blog subscribers, many who’ve been with her since the beginning. 

Weibel says followers tell her that her blog gave them confidence to travel solo and independently, without packaged tours.  

“I get a lot of emails from single women who say, ‘You made me believe it’s okay to travel solo,’ or ‘You’ve given me hope; you did it at age 54,’” she said. “I’ve encouraged people to travel independently and to not be afraid.”  

Though about half of adults over 65 use Facebook, older people are relatively rare on Instagram and TikTok. 

For Steve Austin, 83, social media brought millions of friends to his apartment, where he lives alone, in Dallas, TX. He couldn’t go out during the pandemic, but with 1.7 million people following his TikTok account, “Old Man Steve,” he wasn’t lonely. Austin creates two to four short videos a day, showing himself dancing or performing silly magic tricks, always wearing his signature hats. Austin started posting on TikTok in 2019 at the urging of his nephew; many of his fans are young people, who send gifts, cards and hats from as far away as Brazil, India and Ireland. 

“They tell me they want me to be their grandpa, or I remind them of their grandpa,” he said. “I think I come across as a regular guy having a good time. I’m told I seem honest and trustworthy.”

It’s no surprise that older people attract younger followers on social media, especially on platforms like TikTok or Instagram. Pew Research reports that about 50 percent of adults over 65 use Facebook, but only 11 percent are on Instagram and only 4 percent on TikTok.

While older adults can make money and have fun on social media, maintaining a large following isn’t easy. New content must be posted regularly. They must understand Google’s ranking system to drive traffic. They must master the platforms they’re on but stay nimble. Today’s hot social media platform may be tomorrow’s has-been. (Remember MySpace?)

Dennis Littley, 68, learned that lesson. A former culinary director and teacher at a Catholic girls’ high school, he started a blog to share his recipes for “restaurant-style” dishes with students and staff. Ask Chef Dennis eventually garnered a following of more than a million people on Google+, a social networking platform launched in 2011. Then, with little warning, Google shut down the platform in 2019. 

“That hurt,” he said. But Littley, who’s always been tech-savvy, pivoted and rebuilt. Now he has 800,000 followers on Facebook and 53,000 on Instagram, and his blog attracts nine million visitors annually. 

“I’ve always gone after whatever new social media was out there and learned how to use it properly,” he said. 

Marketing Boon 

Older adults with large followings on social media created a new avenue for brands looking to grow their customer bases, according to Joe Sinkwitz, CEO of Intellifluence, an influencer marketing network. 

“Peer influence is usually the most powerful driver when reaching specific demographics,” Sinkwitz said. “Getting more older voices is absolutely vital for companies looking to reach that key demographic.” 

Older adults represent a massive market, Sinkwitz added. Women 50 and older handle 27 percent of all consumer spending, according to the US Government Consumer Expenditure Survey. “They are the healthiest, wealthiest and most active generation in history, have over $15 trillion in purchasing power, and control 95 percent of household purchasing decisions and 80 percent of luxury travel purchases,” Forbes reports.

Social media also connects people with similar interests in a way that wasn’t possible before, according to digital media expert Dale Blasingame, assistant professor of practice in the School of Journalism and Mass Communication at Texas State University in San Marcos, TX. Digital media “has fundamentally changed the way we consume media,” he said. “It’s no longer all about ‘the hits.’” 

Just 30 years ago, a few television networks decided what shows viewers watched and a handful of radio stations determined what songs became the Top 10 hits. Today, consumers have unlimited choices. Through social media, consumers can find content related to even the most obscure interests, and older adults with experience or accumulated wisdom in niche areas can get “discovered.” 

Timothy Rowett, 79, quietly collected vintage toys, novelties and puzzles for 50 years; then he started creating short videos demonstrating his toys. Now he’s a You Tube hit, with more than two million followers. 

One woman’s videos on YouTube transformed her town into “the Disneyland of quilting.”

Similarly, Jenny Doan, 64, leveraged her sewing skills to tap into a worldwide market of quilting enthusiasts. Her family launched the Missouri Star Quilt Company, a small retail operation in Hamilton, MO, in 2009. Business was slow at first, so her son suggested she try creating video tutorials on quilting techniques. She did all the talking and demonstrating; he ran the camera and set up the YouTube account. Not only did Doan become a YouTube star with more than 800,000 subscribers, the business flourished, transforming Hamilton from a sleepy farming community into “the Disneyland of quilting.” Quilters come from around the world to shop at Missouri Star Quilt’s 13 retail stores, take quilting classes and, they hope, catch a glimpse of Jenny Doan, the quilting maven.

Even in fashion, a notoriously youth-oriented field, older people on social media have a unique niche, according to the New York Times: “They’ve already seen the trends, chased the goods and graduated into freedom.”

Sandler thinks she appeals to older people because she’s real and relatable. Followers see a woman with gray hair and a few wrinkles. She’s not following the lead of many young social media influencers, who use Instagram’s photo filters to make their skin smoother, lashes longer and lips fuller.  

“I’m just not going to do that,” she said. “Because this is reality. I think my followers are feeling the same way and they want that connection.” 

Likewise, Rodin’s followers seem to find her relatable and inspirational. She’s never had cosmetic surgery. She wears funky glasses, not as a gimmick but because “without them, I’m blind as a bat.” Instead of chasing after new trends, she poses in outfits assembled from her own closet.

But Rodin says Instagram is mostly something she does for herself—a  way to stay creatively engaged. 

“I do this for my own pleasure,” she said, “It keeps me on my toes. It’s a way for me to be artful.” 

Getting Older with Grace—and Gratitude

In a cruel twist of timing, Sally Magnuson’s husband of 55 years died of COVID-19 on February 10, 2021—the very day the couple was scheduled to get their first vaccines. Around the same time, Magnuson, 80, of Plano, TX, also contracted COVID; she spent weeks in the hospital and relied on supplemental oxygen for months afterward. 

Despite all that, she still starts each day with gratitude.

“I literally thank God daily for my life and for what I have,” said Magnuson. She recounted her blessings: she was hospitalized but never needed to be intubated; she had excellent medical care; she had the support of friends, who brought meals and flowers. 

She recalled the time her nurse asked her to call if she needed anything; the nurse was occupied with a patient who was dying that day. 

“I knew I was so much better off than that poor man,” Magnuson said. “Even with everything that’s happened, there’s a lot to be grateful for. I’m a lucky person.”

Today, Magnuson is on the mend and regaining strength. As a growing body of research suggests, her grateful spirit may have helped her get there. Gratitude can make people healthier, happier and more satisfied with life.  

Gratitude can help lower your blood pressure and improve immunity, and you’re less likely to become anxious or depressed. 

“Gratitude is literally one of the few things that can measurably change peoples’ lives,” wrote Robert Emmons, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of California at Davis and a leading expert on the science of gratitude. “Gratitude has one of the strongest links to mental health and satisfaction with life of any personality trait—more so than even optimism, hope or compassion.”

The long list of health benefits associated with gratitude includes lowered blood pressure, improved immune function and better sleep, as well as reduced risk for depression, anxiety and substance abuse. Heart patients who practice gratitude may recover more quickly. Grateful people also tend to have better habits: they exercise more, eat healthier and are less likely to smoke or abuse alcohol. 

Regulating one’s emotions is fundamental to increasing an older person’s number of healthy years, and gratitude aids in that, according to Daniel Levitin, PhD, author of Successful Aging: A Neuroscientist Explores the Power and Potential of Our Lives (2020).

“Gratitude causes us to focus on what’s good about our lives rather than what’s bad, shifting our outlook toward the positive,” he said.  

This research supports the wisdom that traditions have taught for thousands of years: gratitude works. All the world’s major religions teach the need for gratitude. It’s one of eight core teachings of yoga. Cicero called gratitude “not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.” 

Not-So-Secret Weapon

What exactly is gratitude? 

Psychological studies tend to compare groups of people who’ve completed some type of gratitude exercise—such as keeping a list of things they’re grateful for—to control groups that completed a similar but neutral exercise, such as writing down what they ate for breakfast. But gratitude has many facets. It can mean reflecting on good things in one’s life, expressing thanks to God or a higher power, expressing thanks to others or even receiving words of gratitude.  

“From the psychotherapeutic point of view, we tend to focus on the kind of gratitude that’s centered on appreciating one’s blessings and communicating to others the meaning and value they have for you in your life,” said Brian Carpenter, PhD, professor of psychological and brain sciences at Washington University in St. Louis, MO.

Experiencing gratitude does not mean glossing over real challenges that need acknowledgement and attention, Carpenter said, stressing that gratitude is a coping strategy that should be offered to—but not imposed upon—older adults. He cautioned that staying rigidly determined to focus gratefully on the positive, and willfully ignoring negatives, could veer into a form of denial.

But a sense of gratitude may be a particularly powerful tool for helping older adults face the challenges of aging. When confronted with illness or the need to depend on others for help, the choice to respond with gratitude can create a sense of control. 

Expressing gratitude can make you feel less helpless, more in control. 

M.K. Werner, 62, of Plano, TX, recognized that when she underwent treatment for cancer 11 years ago. While at the hospital, Werner resolved to thank every person who helped her along the way. 

“If someone came into my room to clean, I thanked them,” she said. “If someone put towels in the dispenser in my room, I thanked them. It became something I could do. I was completely powerless over what was happening with my body, but I could choose my attitude and how I treated people.”

Although it wasn’t her intent, Werner thinks her expressions of gratitude resulted in better, more attentive medical care. 

“Nurses would tell me they had asked for me, or they were happy to have me on their list of patients that day,” she said. “I think they knew I appreciated them.”

Barbara Morris of Surprise, AZ, also boosts her sense of agency by expressing gratitude. At age 93, she must rely on others to drive her and assist with other chores. Gratitude makes her feel less helpless. She says “Thank you” whenever she can. She assists helpful family members financially from time to time. And she loves to send flowers to people who’ve done something kind for her. 

“It not only makes them feel good, it makes me feel good,” she said.  

Older and More Grateful

The capacity for feeling and expressing gratitude seems to grow with age. One 2017 study reported that the experience of gratitude was greatest in older adults, compared to other age groups. Researchers speculate that older people may be more aware that time is limited, and that can lead to feelings of gratitude. 

Loss, an inevitable part of aging, can also heighten a sense of gratitude. 

“Ironically, tragedy often catapults people toward gratitude whereas constant good fortune can actually make it hard to feel grateful,” wrote Mary Pipher, PhD, in Women Rowing North: Navigating Life’s Currents and Flourishing as We Age (2019). “Privileged people may habituate to a comfortable, easy life.”

Jane Yancey, 81, of Plano, TX, connects her grateful spirit, in part, to losses she’s experienced in life. She grew up hearing her parents’ stories of sacrifice and hardship during the Great Depression. Her first husband was killed in a car accident; her parents took care of her one-year-old child while she worked. Then she met her second husband, who raised her daughter as his own. 

“I’m grateful I had a family to help me,” she said. “I’m grateful for my supportive husband. I’m thankful and grateful for every breath I take. I thank God for every day I’m still above the grass!” 

Yancey wonders if her children, now grown, will have the same capacity for gratitude, or will understand how fortunate they have been.

“I don’t know if it’s as easy to be grateful if you’ve never been without,” she said. 

Some say it becomes easier to practice gratitude as you grow older. 

Receiving expressions of gratitude can be life changing, said Benny Barrett, 72, a retired police officer in Dallas, TX. Years ago, Barrett arrested a young man and testified in the trial that resulted in a prison term. After he was released from prison, the young man asked to speak to Barrett. 

The young man’s message: thank you.

“He poured out his heart to me,” Barrett said. “He was grateful I’d taken him away from a bad situation and people who were a negative influence.” 

The encounter affected Barrett deeply. Going forward, he said he treated offenders with more empathy, as human beings with the potential for redemption.  

Older people may experience gratitude more consistently simply because they have more time. Christel Autuori, director of the Institute for Holistic Health Studies at Western Connecticut State University, teaches a gratitude practice to students as a stress management tool. The students are asked to write five things each morning for which they are grateful, and to keep them in mind throughout the day; students report this simple habit helps them stay more positive. 

College students tend to be wrapped up in themselves and their studies, Autuori said, but she thinks it’s easier to practice what she preaches as she gets older. For example, Autuori has lived in the same home in Connecticut for 40 years. It has a long driveway through the woods. When her children were young, she said, she’d power up that driveway with “blinders” on, never paying attention. 

“Now that my kids are out and on their own, I’m able to see the forest for the trees,” she said. “I take time every day to appreciate the beauty that has always been there.” 

Cultivating Gratitude 

A few months ago, while struggling with low-grade depression, Teri Ervin, 64, of Dallas, TX, decided to renew a daily practice of gratitude. Each day, before she gets out of bed, Ervin reads aloud a list of all that she’s thankful for—her health, her husband, her home. She tries to add a new item each day, perhaps related to her plans for the day. If she’s meeting a friend for lunch, for example, she expresses gratitude for that friendship. Over coffee, she writes about what makes her grateful, using a box of cards with written prompts. In just a few months, she already sees a change.

“I noticed a huge shift in many aspects of my internal life and my close relationships,” she said. “It makes life much easier.”

Simply choosing to be grateful isn’t enough to gain its benefits; most people need strategies to keep grateful thoughts alive. Author Emmons encourages people to adopt a gratitude practice, as Ervin did. That might take the form of journaling, writing letters to express gratitude to people who’ve been positive influences in one’s life, or even gratitude visits—meeting with a friend or acquaintance who was particularly helpful at some point. 

Gratitude can serve as an emotional signpost for older adults as they look back on their lives or embark on a new phase. In her practice as a retirement coach, Dorian Mintzer, PhD, 76, of Boston, MA, encourages her clients to start with gratitude as they begin to envision how they’d like to use their “bonus years” after leaving the workforce.

“When people take time to reflect back on their lives—the good, the bad and the ugly— they appreciate what they’ve come through, and they often feel gratitude,” she said. That, in turn, helps clarify what they want for the next phase of life. 

Carpenter, of Washington University, saw the power of gratitude in the case of a client who was struggling with depression. The man had chosen to make a major life transition in his mid-80s. A series of setbacks followed; the client began to question his choices and blame himself. 

“He wondered if his life would’ve been just fine had he just stayed put,” Carpenter said. “But he managed to work himself through that by adopting a stance of gratitude, by acknowledging that, despite the real adversity he was facing, he still had a lot to be thankful for.”

Sure enough, with time, the client’s depression began to lift. His optimistic spirit returned, and he was able to embrace life again. 

“For him, gratitude was really a lifeline,” said Carpenter. 

Older Women Face a Fashion Challenge

On a shopping outing, Jane Bourland informed her granddaughter, “I can’t wear sleeveless. I can’t wear short. And I can’t wear low-cut.” Surveying the styles on the racks at the department store, her granddaughter quickly realized that didn’t leave many choices.  

For many older women, like Bourland, finding flattering, fashionable clothing options can be challenging. A growing number of retailers are vying for their dollars, but older shoppers still need resourcefulness, patience and savvy to look put-together. 

“The fashion industry is geared to young women who are a size 2,” said Jan Tuckwood, 65, a retired fashion editor. “You can find clothes that look great at any age, but you may need to look in new places.” 

While finding appealing clothes gets trickier, many women say they discover new freedom in clothing choices in later life. Nancy Shenker’s work uniform in the 1980s was nude hose and suits with big shoulder pads, following the power-dressing prescription in John Malloy’s 1975 bestseller, Dress for Success. Now, at 65, Shenker continues to work as a marketing consultant but feels freer to dress as she pleases. She wears an updated version of what she calls her “1970s hippie style”—flowy, bohemian tops, boots and hoop earrings. Several years ago, she made a best-dressed list in her hometown of Westchester, NY. 

“Finding my style again has been liberating,” she said. “Plus, as an older woman, I really don’t care what anyone else thinks.” 

Susan Jones Knape, 66, has read Vogue magazine cover to cover since she was a teenager. After starting her own business a few years ago, she too feels more freedom to follow fashion. 

“Before, I squashed my fashion sensibilities in the workplace,” she said. “I thought I would be taken less seriously if I looked fashion-forward. Now, I’m having more fun than ever. I don’t feel impeded by having to look a certain way.”  

The freedom that comes with older age was celebrated in the popular 1992 poem, Warning,” by Jenny Joseph, which reads in part, “When I am an old woman I shall wear purple / With a red hat that doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.” Joseph wrote that she will “make up for the sobriety of my youth,” when she no longer needs to worry about responsibilities or to “set a good example for the children.” 

The poem inspired the Red Hat Society, founded in 1998 for women 50 and up, which now boasts more than 20,000 members worldwide. But members say it’s more about socializing than daily fashion choices. The group meets for meals and outings, always sporting red hats and purple clothing. (Younger women were admitted in recent years, but they wear lavender and pink.)  

“It’s about growing older with fun and grace,” said Sandi Goldbach, who presides as “Queen” of a Dallas-area chapter. “When you’re young, you dress to impress. When you’re older, you have fewer opportunities to dress up and go out.” 

Youthquake’s Legacy 

Toni Thomas, 66, and her sister, Dollie Thomas, 63, remember the crisply ironed house dresses and aprons worn every day by their grandmother, who refused to wear pants most of her life. Similarly, their mother’s closet was filled with church dresses, each paired with carefully chosen matching accessories: a full slip, high-heeled shoes and jewelry. 

By contrast, the sisters enjoy much more freedom to dress comfortably and creatively.  Both retired, they’ve hung up the dark suits and blouses of their working days and now choose comfortable options like sneakers and leggings most days. But they still enjoy shopping, trying new fashions and looking fashion-forward. 

As women in their 60s, the Thomas sisters benefited from the fashion revolution of the 1960s, which Vogue dubbed the “Youthquake.” Fashion became more youth-oriented, more individualistic and less rule bound. Now, older women today feel more freedom than previous generations.  

“Prior to 1970, the industry would promote changes in fashion, especially skirt lengths, and most women who were tuned into fashion would adjust,” said Catherine Amoroso Leslie, a professor at the School of Fashion at Kent State University. 

In 1970, the fashion bible Women’s Wear Daily declared the miniskirt was dead and the midi was in—but consumers rebelled. They initially spurned the midi. Women started wearing pants in more and more settings. Gone was the annual ritual of taking up or letting down hemlines as fashion authorities decreed. New fashions originated in the streets of London and New York, rather than the ateliers of Paris. 

“It was the start of the consumer having more power in what the industry was producing,” Leslie said. “Women began making choices rather than blindly following dictates.” 

Perhaps reflecting that sensibility, many women interviewed for this story bristled at the notion of “age-appropriate” clothing. 

Sixty years ago, women didn’t feel the same pressure to look young.

“That implies there’s a rule book,” said Tuckwood, who edited fashion sections at the Denver Post and other newspapers. “It sounds like a way to put women in their place. I have long blond hair, almost to my waist. Some would say that’s not age appropriate. But when you reach a certain age, you can do whatever you want.”

Tuckwood prefers to think in terms of “body-appropriate” clothing, but that’s where clothing choices get more complicated. As they age, women tend to get rounder in the middle and flatter in the rear end. Skin gets wrinkly, making sleeveless tops or bare legs less appealing. Body parts sag; an older woman’s breasts aren’t perched as high as those of a young woman. Stiletto heels become a safety hazard as balance becomes more precarious. Even Knape—who’s still the same size she was in high school—avoids sleeveless tops. Shenker still wears short skirts, but only with black tights. 

Finding clothes that are body appropriate is something that Hilde Schwartz, 93, has contended with all her life. She sees maturity as an advantage because she benefits from the hard-earned wisdom from past mistakes. Schwartz, whose career included stints in retail and the apparel industry, recalled spending $500 in the 1980s on an expensive jumper in then-trendy Ultrasuede (a suede-like synthetic fabric) because “Everybody in my synagogue was wearing Ultrasuede back then.”

The fabric didn’t flatter Schwartz, who is short, full-busted and “on the chunky side.” From that and similar experiences, Schwartz says she honed a critical eye for what works and what doesn’t work for her body. 

“I learned that I don’t have to wear what everybody else does,” she said. “The older I get, the more I feel that way. With age, you gain a little acceptance and some smarts about what can and can’t be done.” 

Sixty years ago, women over 40 did follow more rigid prescriptions for dressing appropriately, according to Linda Przybyszewski, an associate professor of history at Notre Dame University and author of The Lost Art of Dress (2014). But that was viewed as a privilege, not a limitation. Women didn’t feel the same pressure to look young. Sophisticated styles were aimed for women 30 and older; older women disdained the idea of dressing like teens or young women. 

“Today, ‘matronly’ is the worst thing you can say about a look,” she said.  “But matron used to be a word that conferred respect and dignity. You might see a ‘Hats for Matrons’ section in the Sears and Roebuck catalog, with hats in colors and styles suitable for older women.” 

More Options

Many older shoppers find that a single trip to the nearest department store doesn’t work for finding clothes that are body appropriate. Sometimes, the process involves trial and error, a bit of persistence and a willingness to return garments that don’t work.

At the same time, shoppers have more options. Online shopping offers a wider range of choices in more sizes. TV shopping networks (and their online websites) show clothing on older models, often with explanations of what works for specific body types.

Discovering clothing brands that work for one’s body also helps. Leslie notes that clothing sizes aren’t standardized; each brand has its own sizing, tailored to a specific body type. Her mother finds that Jones New York clothing fits her well; she can order online knowing the garment will fit.  

On the plus side, more and more retailers are targeting older shoppers who are interested in fashion—and able to pay for it. Although statistics vary from year to year, shoppers ages 55-64 may spend as much or more than younger counterparts, with those 65-74 close behind. Brands like Chicos, Soma and Not Your Daughter’s Jeans have cropped up specifically to serve Boomer-aged shoppers. And when the youngest Boomers reached 40—the year most begin wearing reading glasses—retailers like Eyebobs (tagline, “Leading the Eyewear Rebellion”) answered with funky and fun styles. 

Leaving the Game

Combing the clothing at an estate sale, Leslie deduced that the home’s former resident had stopped buying new clothes around 1985. That’s not that uncommon, she believes. 

“At some point, some older women leave the fashion game,” she said. Health conditions, a lack of occasions to dress up, frustration with their aging looks or retirement are a few factors. Clothing spending decreases considerably among those 75 and up, when most people are retired. And some develop an inventory of timeless clothing. While she’s still teaching fashion history and forecasting to classrooms full of 20-somethings, and still very interested in fashion, Leslie, 65, says, “I’m almost exclusively shopping my own closet now. I’m finding new ways to combine clothing pieces I already own.”  

Laurie Joseph, 56, started leaving the game about 20 years ago, when an autoimmune condition made wearing cosmetics impossible. Before, she dressed up, put on makeup and did her hair every morning. When the health issues started, she began to simplify. 

“I wondered, ‘What’s the worst thing that can happen?’” she recalled. “And lo and behold, nothing bad happened when I stopped smearing chemicals on my face every day. I kept my job, I kept my husband and people kept talking to me.” 

Increasingly, her clothing choices became comfort focused. Joseph wore jeans, tops and sneakers to the office before the pandemic. Now that she’s working remotely as a graphic artist—and tackling a home remodeling project in her spare time—she spends her days in cut-offs and T-shirts.

“I think of myself as aggressively casual,” she said. “I’m kind of militant about it. If you show up in pearls, I may ask you to leave.” 

But at 93, Schwartz is still in the game, with no plans to quit. She follows style icon Iris Apfel, now 100, whose signature, big, round glasses are similar to the pair Schwartz has worn since the 1960s. Like Leslie, she shops from her closet but still spends a good bit of money on haircuts and color. 

“I’m still very fashion conscious,” she said. “If your health is in good shape and you still have all your marbles, fashion is a way to involve yourself in the world.” 

Tuckwood agrees.

“Paying attention to your image gives you self-confidence,” she said. “You can be comfortable, but you can have fun too. Why not have fun until the day you drop over?” 

Never Too Old for Fun and Games

When Kathy Thomas’ “big Catholic family” gathers for the holidays, everybody plays bingo. Her 90-year-old mother, Rosemary Doyle (“RoRo” to the grandkids), calls the game, and the winners get fun prizes, like gift cards for Starbucks or Whataburger. 

“When we start the bingo, the kids look up from their phones and play; they even post the game on their Instagrams, and their friends all want to join,” said Thomas. “It’s something we can all do together.”

Playing together is a way that Thomas’ family stays connected. When the pandemic hit, the family kept up the tradition via Zoom. It’s just one example of how play can enrich the lives of older adults. 

“You’re never too young or too old to play,” said Anna Yudina, marketing director for the Toy Association. “Research links play with a number of wellness benefits in adults, such as reducing stress, boosting life satisfaction and empowering people to be creative, flexible thinkers.”

Play spans a wide gamut, from organized sports and serious hobbies to video games (about 15 percent of gamers in the United States are 55 or older). But all types of play seem to have positive benefits for older adults. Even spontaneous play with grandkids offers benefits—adults who play with children burn 20 percent more calories per week, experience fewer falls, become less reliant on walking aids and are less likely to develop Alzheimer’s in their 70s, according to the Genius of Play initiative, which promotes the value of play for children and adults. 

What Is Play? It’s Personal

Stuart Brown, MD, is the founder of the National Institute of Play, a nonprofit that studies the value of play. He resists offering an absolute definition of play because it’s so personal. One person might find hang gliding to be a joyful form of play; another might view it as sheer terror. But Brown does identify the properties of play: it’s done for its own sake; it’s voluntary and fun; it makes us lose track of time and feel less self-conscious. Play also offers opportunities for improvisation and leaves us wanting more.

“Play energizes us,” wrote Brown, author of Play: How It Shapes the Brain and Opens the Imagination and Invigorates the Soul (2009). “The ability to play is critical not only to being happy but also to sustaining social relationships and being a creative, innovative person.”

Brown identifies seven categories of play: body play/movement; object; social; imaginative; storytelling; transformative and creative; and attunement (such as the babbling and eye contact shared between mother and baby). 

Body and object primarily involve physical movement, helping to maintain muscle tone and coordination. Social play alleviates isolation and loneliness. The remaining categories engage the brain, helping to preserve cognitive function. 

But those distinctions aren’t hard and fast—depending on the specific play, there can be a great deal of overlap between body and mind. Group games can engage the mind while lessening loneliness. Crafts or music (examples of transformative play) involve both mind and body. And all forms of play promote relaxation and reduce stress, especially when laughter and humor are involved.

A Changed Life

Jeannette Jancetich says her favorite form of play—ballroom dancing—changed her life. She choked up a little when recalling the first time she walked into the Fred Astaire Dance Studio in Phoenix, AZ, two years ago.

“Today, I’m in better health, I have better posture, I feel great, I’ve lost weight and I’ve made friends who feel like family,” she said. 

A retired banking software executive, Jancetich, 72, said that, due to constant travel, she never had time for dance when she was working. Now, she takes lessons three times a week and competes often. She loves it all: the rehearsals, the costumes and makeup, and the choreographing of dance numbers to fit each competition event’s theme. 

Jancetich’s instructor, Sarah Petrov, estimates about 30 percent of her students are older adults. Teaching them reminds her of a job she had in college, working with older adults in a neuropsychology clinic to help improve their brain health.  

“Dancers must use both their cognitive and motor skills to follow complicated choreography,” she said. “That’s much like the exercises we used to improve brain health in the clinic.”  

Connecting through Play

Play connects people, often in ways that span generations, according to Mary “Molly” Camp, MD, an assistant professor of psychiatry at UT Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas, who specializes in geriatric mental health. She remembers bringing her young son, then 18 months old, to a nursing home to sing and visit with residents. He playfully tossed a ball to an elderly woman in a wheelchair who was nonverbal, due to dementia. Her face lit up and she threw the ball back to the boy.

“They had this immediate connection,” she said. “That tells me that play is hardwired and innate.” 

Similarly, Tomislav “Tom” Perić connected with younger people when he rediscovered his favorite form of play—jiujitsu—at age 62. Most of the people he trains with are young enough to be his child or grandchild.  

“They consider me the village elder,” he said. “It’s rewarding when younger people at least seem to listen when one offers advice or suggestions.”  

Now, at 70, he’s ranked 10th worldwide in his age and skill level categories. 

“There’s nothing that I’ve done in the past decade that has been as rewarding, physically and psychically, as martial arts,” he said. “It’s the only activity that makes me feel like I’m 35 again.”

At the end of each class, Perić said, “all cylinders are firing. I feel satisfied that I have learned something new. Physically, I feel more limber. I feel a sense of camaraderie with my teammates. And for a moment, I feel like anything is possible.”

Mastering skills like ballroom dance or martial arts involves practice and repetitive drills that require concentration and persistence. Do these pursuits still qualify as play? 

Yes, according to Camp.  

“People can approach play with a very serious mindset,” she said. “That sense of being fully immersed in the activity and ‘in the moment’ is what adds to their enjoyment.” 

Less serious, lighthearted play—card and board games, crafts, singalongs, puzzles and more—is also beneficial. Activities directors in senior living communities constantly try to devise new ways to get residents to play, to help them stay active and engaged and to meet other people. Play can serve as a distraction that helps ward off bouts of agitation and depression, common issues for those with Alzheimer’s or dementia. And while games like balloon badminton may seem simplistic, they lure residents to common areas for laughter and team play, which helps people feel like contributing members of their community.

Play can even heal relationships. Camp has heard from older adult patients who reported that some forms of play—like golfing or playing cards—helped mend or maintain longtime friendships that fractured in recent years over bitter political differences. Play provided a shared interest, Camp said, “that allowed them to keep connecting with each other without stepping on those land mines.” 

A Childlike Spirit 

As the creator of popular board games like Taboo, Outburst, Super Scattergories and Boom Again, Brian Hersch has carefully analyzed what makes an activity fun. 

At its best, he said, play reconnects us with childhood memories as well as with a childlike spirit. 

“Play allows us to disengage from the obligatory and takes us back to our childhoods,” he said. “It reminds us of those innocent times of just having fun, before life became crowded with obligations.” 

Hersch has two rules of thumb for every game he’s created: it must generate laughter and “head slaps.” When people laugh, they’ll play the game again and tell their friends about it. And head slaps happen when players truly connect to the game. 

“If it’s a trivia game, for example, and the questions lead players to say, ‘Oh, no one knows that,’ then it’s no longer fun,” he said. “But if they slap their heads and say, ‘Of course!’ when they hear an answer, then you know it’s working. Even if they couldn’t come up with the answers, they were connected to the game.” 

All Work, No Play

Many researchers believe American adults of all ages don’t spend enough time playing. Some may feel compelled to fill each day with productive activity; others may assume play is too silly for grownups. One study found that 84 percent of adult respondents said that taking time to play helps them be more productive at work. 

“Play is just as important for our overall health and wellness as sleep, nutrition and exercise,” said Tom Norquist, past president of the International Play Equipment Manufacturers Association. “It keeps us feeling young and energetic.” 

Norquist says that his career taught him to maintain a playful attitude in life. “I take pride in enjoying all those little moments—swinging on a tire swing with my granddaughters, hiking with my wife, doing cannonballs into our pool every summer—because I don’t take life too seriously. Play is a way of life.”  

What’s So Funny about Aging?

When the COVID-19 pandemic struck in March 2020, Carmen Emery, 75, began emailing uplifting spiritual meditations to about 300 friends from church. She quickly realized the daily emails needed something more, so she added three or four funny memes at the end of each meditation, with one-liners like “My housekeeping style can best be described as ‘There appears to have been a struggle’” and “Don’t blame others for the road you’re on. That’s your own asphalt.”   

Emery’s friends appreciated the meditations, but they really loved the goofy memes. Messages of gratitude poured in.

“I get lots of people quoting their favorites,” she said. 

Buoyed by the response, Emery kept up with the messages, sending emails for more than 500 consecutive days, including two weeks in December when she battled COVID-19.  

“Looking for memes each day has been a blast,” she said. “And sharing humor lifted my spirits and gave me a way to spread joy with others.”

Health Benefits

Humor helps people weather difficult times, and a growing body of research suggests it goes even further. Humor is a tool that can help older adults stay healthier, happier and more able to cope with the challenges of aging. 

“Every single body system that is negatively affected by stress can be positively affected by humor,” said Karyn Buxman, a registered nurse and professional speaker, who calls herself a “neurohumorist.”

Laughter increases adrenaline and oxygen flow and releases endorphins. Laughing and enjoying humor help lower cortisol. (High levels of cortisol are linked to cancer, heart disease and diabetes.) Studies suggest that humor can help people solve problems and make better decisions. Humor can decrease loneliness, depression and anger.

Laughter, along with an active sense of humor, may help protect against a heart attack. Cardiologists at the University of Maryland Medical Center found that people with heart disease were less likely to laugh, in a variety of situations, compared to those without heart disease.

“The old saying that ‘laughter is the best medicine’ definitely appears to be true when it comes to protecting your heart,” said Michael Miller, MD, director of the Center for Preventive Cardiology at the University of Maryland. 

A small study at the University of Texas, Austin, asked healthy adults to watch a humorous, 30-minute video or a documentary. Researchers then measured artery function and flexibility. Both measures improved immediately in the volunteers who watched a comedy and stayed that way for almost 24 hours. Artery function decreased slightly among those who watched a documentary.

Laughing, Not Crying

Research points to humor as a powerful coping tool for helping older adults deal with the negative aspects of aging. As a caregiving expert who works with older adults, Pamela Wilson sees that often—like the time when she had to assist an older woman with Alzheimer’s in using the toilet. Humor lightened the mood. 

“Whoever thought I would need this kind of help at this age?” the woman joked. 

“Making a joke helped her to not be so embarrassed,” said Wilson. “Because we were laughing together, she didn’t feel as badly about the situation.” Wilson added that older adults who are able to adapt often seem to be the ones who are more able to laugh at themselves. 

“Especially as we age, life either gets funnier or more sobering,” said Dena Kouremetis, 70, who writes a column, (R)aging with Grace, for Psychology Today. “That adage about laughing instead of crying begins to make real sense.” 

If you’re feeling lonely or isolated, sharing laughter can help.

Humor is also a source of social connection that brings friends, families and couples together. Kouremetis says shared jokes and laughs keep her relationship with her husband humming along.  

“Humor gets you through the losses that come with aging,” she said. “If you don’t have a shared sense of humor, you’re not going to get through it.”

Humor also tends to be contagious and best enjoyed with others.  

“Sharing laughter—watching a favorite sitcom with a spouse or reminiscing about funny memories with friends—reduces isolation and loneliness, which contributes to good physical, psychological and cognitive health,” said Jennifer FitzPatrick, a social worker and author of Cruising through Caregiving: Reducing the Stress of Caring for Your Loved One (2016). 

Laughing With or Laughing At?

Humor about the process of aging is important and helpful as people age. Humor is very personal, and there is a line between what’s funny and what’s offensive, but the ups and downs of aging do offer a rich mine of humorous situations. Several aging and caregiving experts interviewed for this article praised The Kominsky Method, a Netflix dramedy series that tackles topics like erectile dysfunction, health problems and end-of-life with humor and empathy.  

“You have two characters [played by Alan Arkin and Michael Douglas] who are very good friends, talking about this stuff that happens every day when you’re older,” said Wilson. “They’re not afraid to talk about it. They’re laughing about it.”      

Aging provides plenty of what comedians might call “material.” Older adults are more likely to face chronic health issues, with the daily challenges that come with them: medications, doctor visits and more. Even active, healthy older adults sooner or later face the realities of aging—the need for reading glasses, occasional forgetfulness, diminished physical strength, minor aches and pains. Having the ability to laugh at the absurdities of life becomes an effective coping strategy. 

Humor is closely intertwined with positivity or being “in good humor”—maintaining a cheerful attitude and having a willingness to be playful and creative, according to Kathy Laurenhue, CEO of Wiser Now, Inc., a publishing company focused on well-being in aging. Positive, optimistic people often see the humor in a situation. They tend to be more resilient, have better coping and problem-solving skills, seek social support more often and live longer and healthier lives than those who are generally negative. 

Humor vs Laughter 

Laughter and humor aren’t quite the same thing, cautions Chandramallika Basak, associate professor at the Center for Vital Longevity at the University of Texas at Dallas.       

“Laughter is more expressive, but humor is more cerebral,” Basak said. This is reflected in research that suggests that aging-related cognitive decline can reduce an older person’s ability to comprehend humor. In one study, older adults were less likely to choose the correct punch line for a joke in a multiple-choice test. On the other hand, older subjects were more likely to show appreciation and enjoyment of humor.

“That’s not surprising to me as a cognitive scientist,” said Basak. “Short-term, working memory plays a big role in humor. That’s a function of the frontal lobe, one of the first areas of the brain to decline with age. But the amygdala, the part of the brain that responds to fear and laughter, doesn’t decline as rapidly.”  

As we age, our taste in humor may change too. Researchers have divided humor into three categories: affiliative humor, which promotes social bonding through self-deprecatory, ‘I can relate to that’ humor; aggressive humor, which mocks or ridicules others; and self-enhancing humor, which highlights the positive aspect of a situation. Older adults tend to enjoy affiliative humor and are more likely to object to aggressive humor. 

Coping with Fear

As a “physician-comedienne,” Cynthia Shelby-Lane, MD, takes humor very seriously. She completed training at the Second City Training Center in Chicago and performs standup in comedy clubs in her spare time. 

She’s convinced humor keeps her vital; she’s still practicing emergency medicine at 70. Humor also helps her connect with patients and brings relief in agonizing moments, such as the time in the emergency room when she handed a baby aspirin to a 350-pound, 6-foot-3 man who had just had a heart attack. 

“A baby aspirin?!” he said. “Are you kidding? Doc, have you seen my size?” The two shared a good laugh. The patient was moved to the ICU and died later that evening.

“I’m glad we could laugh together before he died,” she said. “He was so scared, but that moment eased his fear.” 

Humor’s ability to disarm fear also makes it a good teaching tool. Gail Rubin, a death educator, uses humor to nudge older adults to have conversations they’d rather not have about death and end-of-life planning. When she speaks to audiences, she tosses off one-liners like “Let’s get death out of the closet” and “Talking about sex won’t make you pregnant; talking about funerals won’t make you dead.” 

It’s an effective icebreaker. “When people laugh, they relax and they learn,” Rubin said. “Laughter opens people up to what they need to know.” 

Humor Interventions

If laughter is truly the best medicine, can humor be used as an intervention to promote health? Can people bring humor into their lives intentionally?

An older adult needn’t be good at telling jokes or being funny to enjoy the benefits of humor. But humor isn’t a one-size-fits-all prescription. 

“One person might really enjoy potty humor, another slapstick, and another satire,” said Marie Gress, a licensed social worker in Michigan. 

But anyone can intentionally add humor to the daily routine by nurturing friendships with people who make them laugh or by bookmarking funny videos on their computers. Buxman keeps a file of “moments of mirth”—funny experiences she can revisit, mentally, down the road, recreating the burst of good feeling. She even enlists strangers for hits of humor: “If I’m in an Uber, I’ll ask the driver, ‘Tell me about the craziest person you’ve ever driven.’” 

“It’s about mindset,” Buxman said. “Funny things are always happening. You can learn to start seeing and experiencing the humor that was always there.”  

Older Adults Are Becoming Nomads

Five years ago, Susan and Rob Beck moved into an RV, after they were forced to sell their home in upstate New York. Rising property taxes had doubled their monthly housing bill, and Rob didn’t receive his usual bonus at work. Then he lost his job. And neither Rob nor Susan could find work locally.

“Nobody would hire us, not even the Dollar General,” said Susan Beck, 63. “Talk about an eye-opening slap in the face.” 

For cash, they donated plasma and took whatever temp jobs they could find. For food and health care, they relied on food stamps and free medical clinics.

Frustrated, the Becks decided to hit the road in their RV. For two years now, they have been moving from one place to another, working temporary jobs. Currently they’re at Strom Thurmond Lake, a campground on the Georgia/South Carolina border owned by the Army Corps of Engineers. They staff the visitor center and gatehouse in exchange for a free RV hookup, including site rental, electricity, propane and laundry. Social Security covers their health insurance and other necessities. 

While this path began with financial misfortune, the Becks have learned they enjoy discovering new places and meeting fellow nomads, who’ve worked everywhere from lighthouses to trains to isolated islands. Ignoring criticism from relatives who call them “homeless,” they’ve embraced life on the road. 

“We just love it,” said Rob Beck, 63. “We live so simply. We can just pick and go when we want.”

Nomadland

Like the Becks, many older Americans are opting for a nomadic lifestyle. Instead of aging in place, they’re aging anywhere and everywhere: in RVs or vans parked at campgrounds and on federal lands or in short-term rentals through AirBnb. They move from place to place, to the next job or the next adventure. Some do remote work from wherever they are; others move to find seasonal work. Some live nomadically as a way to travel inexpensively in retirement; others found themselves living on the road because of economic hardship.

The lifestyle is enjoying a moment in pop culture, thanks to the 2020 film Nomadland, based on the 2017 book by Jessica Bruder. The movie tells the story of Fern (Frances McDormand), a widow who lives in a cramped van and travels from one seasonal job to another, working long days as a campground host, a packer at an Amazon warehouse, and a day laborer for a beet harvest. Like the book, the movie portrays people who turned to the lifestyle out of economic necessity. 

“In a time of flat wages and rising housing costs, [nomads] have unshackled themselves from rent and mortgages as a way to get by,” Bruder wrote. “They are surviving America.” 

But many real-life nomads say they live this life by choice. Some even take offense to what they feel is the film’s negative portrayal of the nomadic life.

“It was always my dream to live in an RV,” said Shelley Fisher, 61. She spends her summers “workamping” in California, serving as a gate manager at a KOA campground in exchange for a free hookup and a paycheck; she banks the money and spends her winters relaxing at an RV park in Nevada. 

“I love the freedom,” Fisher said. “I like meeting and taking care of people. I even love the driving. The travel is as exciting as the destination.” When moving from one place to another, Fisher parks her RV at roadside rest stops, truck stops or Walmart parking lots.  

Amazon hires workers who live in RVs or vans to go where they’re needed during peak times.  

Denise Green, 59, and her husband are nomads who work part time and travel inexpensively between gigs. They’ve lived full time in an RV for the past three years. The couple is in good shape financially—they’re both veterans of the corporate world and accumulated a nest egg for retirement. But they don’t want to dip into it yet, so they work for a few months each year, long enough to fund their travels the rest of the year. Currently they’re working at a campground in Valdez, AK; she’s managing the cleaning operation and he handles maintenance. They typically change locations every three to four months. 

The work can be grueling. One of the couple’s first workamping gigs was as part of Amazon’s Camper Force. The online retail giant hires workers who live in RVs or vans to travel to where they’re needed, providing extra warehouse staff during peak times.  

“Amazon ran us into the ground,” Green said. “We are hard workers. I used to run 100-mile races. But we had to work the night shift and often walked 12-15 miles a night. I don’t know how some of the older retired folks do it.”

But they’ve also enjoyed some relatively easy gigs, like a stint at the Boyce Thompson Arboretum in Arizona, where they worked in exchange for a free hookup for the RV and had free run of the place after hours.

“I learned a lot about desert plants and wildlife that winter,” Green said. 

The nomadic life was also a choice for Susan White, 62, and her husband. College-educated, White worked for Fortune 500 companies but became frustrated with the corporate world. Two years ago, after retiring, the couple sold their home and gave away or sold most of their belongings. They’ve traveled in an RV and worked at campgrounds in their home state of Washington as well as in Florida and Texas. Currently, they’re at an Army Corps of Engineers campground in Texas.

“Having the freedom to pick up and leave is a luxury most people don’t have,” White said. “We miss some physical comforts, but the fun, adventure and experiences outweigh the trappings of traditional happiness. Americans are in debt and overburdened with ‘to do’s.’ I wish I knew about this life when I raised my kids. We were slaves to a high mortgage for a brand-new, five-bed, three-bath home, two cars, braces, ad nauseum.” 

A Growing Population

While it’s difficult to find reliable numbers for older Americans who have chosen the nomadic lifestyle, most who live that life believe their numbers are growing. Numerous Facebook groups have sprouted up and continue to grow, such as Workampers (54,000+ members), Full-time RV Living (104,000+) and Full-time RVers over 50 (12,000+).   

Harvest Hosts, a membership network that connects RVers with wineries, breweries, farms and other spots that offer free RV parking spots, saw its membership more than double in 2020 to 170,000 members. Ten percent live full time in RVs; 80 percent are over 55.   

“Technology has unlocked the ability to do almost everything from your phone,” said Harvest Hosts CEO Joel Holland. The growing availability of wi-fi and cell service, and expanding data caps, make it easy for nomads to stay in touch with family and friends. Websites, social media groups and online booking services allow them to easily find their next job or plan their next adventure from the road. 

Job opportunities for nomads seem to be increasing too. 

“We’re seeing more help-wanted ads from employers this year than we’ve seen in the last 10 years,” said Jody Anderson Duquette, executive director of Workamper News, the largest resource connecting nomads with short-term job opportunities. She thinks that is due in part to the tight labor market, as well as more awareness about the option of working from the road. 

Duquette says most workampers enter the lifestyle by choice. In an informal survey by Workamper News, only 14 percent said they embarked on the lifestyle after a job loss or financial or personal hardship. But Duquette does see several factors leading older adults into workamping. Medical expenses, health insurance and housing costs have skyrocketed in recent years. While previous generations retired with pensions or other resources to lean on, “Most people today are entering into retirement, or the latter half of their lives, with less financial stability,” she said. “There is a need to continue to earn at least some income to support themselves in the life they want to live.” 

Nudged by COVID

As a health care insurance agent specializing in Medicare and Affordable Care Act policies, Siobhan Farr, 64, earned most of her annual income during the health care insurance enrollment period, from October to December, from her home base in Dallas. She often traveled during the slow months. Last year, Farr decided to spend a few months exploring Ecuador and arrived in Quito on March 5, 2020. Two days later, COVID-19 locked down the country. Farr stayed in her Airbnb rental for the next 13 months, managing her insurance business remotely. To her surprise, it worked fairly well. That led her to start Digital Nomads Beyond 50, a networking group for older people.

“Because of the pandemic, there are more older people looking at this opportunity of working remotely and traveling,” she said. “They want to continue in their current jobs, or to find a way to combine retirement with part-time remote work.” 

Farr represents another segment of the nomadic life—those with “location independent” jobs, such as software engineering or freelance writing, who can work from anywhere with a good wi-fi connection. In contrast to workampers and full-time RVers, digital nomads skew younger—with an average age of 32, according to research by T-Mobile. (When Farr completed a preliminary application for a coworking village—where nomads share living and working space—in Caye Caulker, Belize, she was told she was too old.)

Farr is now living in Mexico City and is energized by the wide range of options before her. She picked a theme song for this new stage of her life: REO Speedwagon’s “Roll with the Changes.”

“You need to have flexibility to do this,” she said. 

Flexibility Required

As Farr learned, the nomadic lifestyle demands an ability to pivot when faced with the unexpected, and resourcefulness when faced with snafus or breakdowns. 

“You have to be your own MacGyver,” Fisher said. “If there’s a leak in the plumbing, or the fridge stops working, or a fuse blows, I need to figure out how to fix it. YouTube videos help.”

Most nomads must also adapt to life with fewer creature comforts. Living in an RV or van means coping with small spaces. RVs may have air conditioning and heat, but most don’t handle extreme temperatures well. And most are not equipped with laundry facilities. 

“You learn to live with five shirts and five pairs of underwear,” Rob Beck says. 

However, many nomads say these occasional challenges and unplanned adventures keep them more engaged and vital as they get older.

“Comfort is the enemy of progress,” said Don Wilks, 60, a Dallas native who’s lived on the road for 20 years. “When you’re traveling, you’re always challenged. You’re always learning something and trying something new, every day.”

Many nomads say that sooner or later, they’re likely to settle down again.

Wilks’s travels have taken him around the world, hopping between hotels, Airbnbs and hostels—and occasionally couch surfing and camping. He spent most of the past year in his Jeep, exploring Wyoming, Montana and Florida.  

Palle Bo, 56, says that constant challenge has changed his perception of time. He sold his home in Denmark and began traveling full time in 2016 while working as a “location independent” radio producer, podcaster and travel blogger. Bo lives out of a suitcase, staying in short-term rentals booked through Airbnb, and has visited 95 countries so far. 

“When I was in my 30s and 40s, I felt like time was moving faster and faster,” he said. “Time moves slower when I’m traveling. I’m not on autopilot.” Daily chores that most people handle mindlessly—like shopping at a grocery store or doing laundry—often become challenging adventures in unfamiliar places. By living on the road, Bo believes he’s getting more out of life. 

Among those nomads who can, many admit that, sooner or later, they’ll likely settle down again in a “sticks and bricks” home. 

Originally, Denise Green and her husband planned to stay on the road as long as their health allowed, maybe 10 years. But now they’re looking at a shorter timeline. They miss their five grandchildren, who live in Ohio and Pennsylvania. 

“I underestimated the craving for some roots,” she said. “I think we’ll come off the road within five years, but we won’t go back to a large home. All I want is a cabin or a cottage and a place for the grandkids to come.”

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